Upside Down
by WickedGame
Summary: It’s like the world turned upside down, went haywire, lost its mind. A Logan POV stream of consciousness. Mentions of LoVe and LL. Spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. Oneshot.


Title: Upside Down

Author: WickedGame

Archive: No Rest For the Wicked, my LJ

Category: angst, monologue

Pairing: none, mentions of L+L and L+V

Rating: PG13 or T

Spoilers: Seasons 1 and 2 in total

Warnings: foul language, mentions of NCS

Disclaimer: I do not own Veronica Mars or the song "Mad World". They both belong to other people or peoples.

Notes: My second VM attempt ever, the first being for the Stages Of Love LJ community. Beta read by Adaina. Meant to be read as a stream of consciousness and not a narrative. Logan POV.

It's like the world turned upside down, went haywire, lost its mind. I know that things were always (dare I say it) dazed and confused here in Neptune, but I never thought that this…this…

I never thought that anything like this could happen. I never thought anything like this would happen. Not to me, not to her, not to that chick with the computer…

Not to Beaver…Cassidy I mean.

_All around me are familiar faces_

_Worn out places_

_Worn out faces_

I don't know when it occurred to me that this whole world had something terribly wrong with it. Maybe it was when my father decided it was okay to beat me and when my mother decided it was okay to let it happen; I don't know if it was when my girlfriend was murdered…heck it could have happened the day I was born. All I know is that I am so tired of everything here, and just about everyone here.

_Bright and early for the daily races_

_Going no where_

_Going no where_

I get up every morning and go about the same old routine: shower, then brush teeth and get dressed. Then what's left? It's summer. All the people who I secretly knew would never stick by me are dead or vanished. Veronica works. You know, fame and fortune are all well and good but it's the most empty feeling in the world to know that all but one person on this Earth associates with you only because you could buy their house out from under them.

_Their tears are filling up their glasses_

_No expression_

_No expression_

It's like…like…nothing ever happened. Neptune is great at that. Great at acting like nothing bad ever happened here. When Lily died they erected a fountain and then forgot about her. If you ask the average person about Lily Kane they tell you something along the lines of: 'She's that dead chick Aaron Echolls killed, right?'

Except that Aaron Echolls wasn't convicted of killing Lily. We know he did. Everyone knows in their heart of soulless hearts that he did, but Hollywood loves a victim and Aaron Echolls makes a perfect martyr.

No one ever remembers the way Lily smiled, or the way she dressed. No one ever wants to remember how funny and daring she was…how incredibly brave she was. It seems that the three of us are the only ones who hold her memory that close to us.

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow_

_No tomorrow_

_No tomorrow_

Fuck, listen to me. I sound like some whiny emo kid. But she lets me sound like that and she never gives anything away. That girl has a poker face let me tell you. If you feel like crying then she lets you. No judgement, no reservations. Veronica Mars is smarter and braver than all of us, including Lily. Lily was brave, but Veronica is fierce. Veronica Mars has faced dangers none of us can comprehend and always makes it out alive. She's like 007, except with breasts.

Without her I don't know that I would have made it through this. There was nothing else for me after Mom jumped the bridge. Trina is a bitch, and my father killed one love of my life and tried to kill another. Family portrait? It would be an autopsy photo.

_And I find it kind of funny_

_I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take_

_When people run in circles its a very very_

_Mad world_

_Mad world_

Isn't it funny that with Veronica I feel like just another schmuck? I think that's why I love her so much. She is everything I'm not, but in ways that enchant and hypnotize me. I sometimes find myself wanting to curl up in her brain and find out what's she really thinking or seeing. What does she see when she looks at me? Does she see what I see, or does she see someone worth loving? What about me is worth loving?

In a world gone mad, she is like an anchor in the sea, a port in a storm. She's like a bomb shelter in the middle of an air raid. She's home and hearth and God I love her so much. It makes me insane that all I want to do is protect her, but more than often she is saving my day…saving my life.

_Children waiting for the day they feel good_

_Happy birthday_

_Happy birthday_

Her loving me is like the best present anyone could receive. If she were to love you believe me that you would feel the same way. It's like…she has so much to give and so many people look right through her and see nothing. But she has so much depth and substance to her that most people could never hope to understand her. Most people would dismiss her, as a matter of fact most people already do…but she can love you and make you mad with the feelings she can evoke. She's an angel of a special sort. And angel with devil horns to be sure, but an angel just the same.

_And I feel the way that every child should_

_Sit and listen_

_Sit and listen_

Forgive my rambling thoughts, but why did Cassidy have to do this? I call him Cassidy because Beaver seems so long ago and far away now. He had so much, and yet he threw it away for the petty chance to get back at a goofy child molester. I can't even begin to wrap my head around how he must have felt and how he must have suffered. But…Cassidy did so many wrong things under our noses and we always thought Dick was the bad Casablancas seed.

It is like, while we were all sitting in Neptune High trying to survive high school Cassidy Casablancas was in an entire other dimension, in his own personal hell.

But he raped Veronica. And hurt the chick with the computer. And blew up a bus full of people. Exploded an airplane. Ran over my father's stunt coordinator pal.

What the fuck happened here?

_Went to school and I was very nervous_

_No one knew me_

_No one knew me_

When you're a hero everyone hates you in Neptune.

When you're a villain everyone loves you. Only in Neptune.

How the hell did I get here, to this place and time? How did the movie star's asshole kid end up with the former Sheriff's brilliant daughter? How did this surreality called my life come to be?

How did I go from the most well known kid in town to the most reviled? I still have no clue.

_Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson_

_Look right through me_

_Look right through me_

I'm pretty sure that in five years no one will remember Veronica or me. I'm almost positive that the Lily Kane fountain will become clotted with moss and algae and eventually will suffer the same dead fate as Lily herself.

I'm pretty sure that in five years Veronica will be hating me again and I will be wishing I could say something more to make her stay with me. I might be standing in this very spot wishing that I had tried just a little harder to be all that she wants and deserves.

So what's the lesson? What have I learned? What has this Neptune Circus taught me?

Absolutely nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

_And I find it kind of funny_

_I find it kind of sad_

_The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had_

_I find it hard to tell you_

_I find it hard to take_

_When people run in circles its a very very_

_Mad world_

_Mad world_

Your job is to stay sane. Your job is to try and find your way out of the maze. Your job is to survive just as I have to. We all have to make our own way.

We all have to come out of this alive.

_Enlarging your world_

_Mad world_

_-The End-_


End file.
